Pete Melling, pictured, offers some simple strategies for diffusing anger at the workplace.
Denise had worked in the healthcare field for just a few years when I met her. With her soothing voice and calm demeanour, she was the kind of person you would never expect to lose her temper. But she had, she admitted, many times even though her frustration was never shown outwardly. “When you work in A&E, you see a lot of critical care patients. They’re hurt and afraid when they arrive. This can turn into anger pretty quickly,” she told me. “I talk them down, and then I head right out into the waiting room and do the same for all of their worried family members.”
Similar situations play out every day in the lives of not just nurses but also educators, care and support workers, customer service representatives, and even business managers. Anger can spark anytime someone feels they’ve been wronged or offended in some way. What all of these situations have in common is that there’s usually a trigger factor at its core. The trigger factor could simply be a feeling of helplessness, such as not knowing what’s happening to a loved one admitted to a hospital or care home. It might also be that the aggressor is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, which is hindering his or her judgement.
Denise said: “Some patients and family members come to me after hearing one story from one person and another story from someone else. They get irritated, want answers, and just don’t know how else to deal with the situation. After all, emergencies don’t happen every day. It’s frightening.”
Miscommunications are a common trigger factor. The way you approach confrontation can either escalate or diffuse that situation. De-escalation techniques provide an easy way to curtail those feelings of anger quickly and come to some sort of resolution. The process of de-escalation involves four important steps:
1) Assess the situation
2) Diminish immediate anger
3) Clarify their problem
4) Help solve their problem
The first step professionals should take when confronted by an angry response is to assess the situation, assess the person’s behaviour, and identify the trigger factors. Next you’ll want to diminish their immediate anger. When assessing the situation, even the slightest eye contact, physical gestures, facial expressions, and tone of voice can make a big difference. Bring tempers down by staying calm and rational, listening attentively, and showing empathy. To diffuse their anxiety, give them a comfortable amount of personal space by standing one-half to one metre away. Keep in mind that their feelings are real to them even if they seem irrational to you.
Aggressors typically want to know that you understand what they’re going through because you’re in a position of authority. So let that person vent, making eye contact and listening to clearly understand their needs. Speak with authority, but quiet your voice just slightly lower in volume and slower in pace than your aggressor. There will be times when an aggressor questions your authority to launch a power struggle. If this occurs, calmly and collectively draw their attention back to the issue at hand. When dealing with aggression, your goal is to find a concession not to win a power struggle.
The third step in de-escalation is clarifying the problem. This is when you’ll want to build rapport and reassure them that you understand by using verbal cues such as “m-hm” along with non-verbal cues like nodding. Also allow for periods of silence so they can think, reflect, and make decisions.
As you de-escalate, keep your responses focused on their feelings. Denise told me: “I say things like, ‘that must be confusing’ or ‘that must be frightening’,” and her actions are spot on. Simply acknowledging their feelings may be enough to diffuse a situation. I also tell clients to use the terms ‘when’, ‘how’, and ‘what’ when they ask questions but to avoid the term ‘why’, as this might be construed as provocative.
The final step in de-escalation is resolving their problem. While there will always be factors outside of your control, you should look for ways to make the situation better for that individual. You’ll also want to provide needed assurance. For example, while you can’t always get answers from a physician about a patient’s situation, you can let family members know that you’ll keep them informed. You might also offer ways to make their stay in the waiting room a little bit more comfortable by offering a drink or a snack. Professionals in all lines of work could benefit from understanding and using de-escalation techniques when faced with aggression. De-escalation is a simple way to shift from conflict at the workplace to a more productive dialogue and resolution.
About the author
Pete Melling is an accredited trainer in conflict management, and he’s worked in the industry for more than a decade. He is the co-owner of I-Secure (NW) Limited who provide specialist corporate security services, and the Operational Director of TRU Limited who specialise in rehabilitation to people with acquired brain injuries. He has over 20 years of experience in this field.
Pete provides training in the areas of conflict management, de-escalation, and self-defence for professionals in a range of occupations. He has worked extensively on the front line with well-known celebrities and has orchestrated large-scale security operatives.
Pete has completed course work in conflict management and is a qualified Trainer in Physical Intervention (SIA), Conflict Management, Physical Restraint Instruction, Safe and Effective Use of Restraint Equipment, and Self-Defence plus other related qualifications in this field. Visit: www.i-secure.me.
Contact at [email protected] or [email protected].
